I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
