so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
