Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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