oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
