On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
