he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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