A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
