some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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