once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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