did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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