Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
