I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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