My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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