At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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