Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
