i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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