maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
