I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
