Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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