I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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