this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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