Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
