No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
