I think scott just propositioned me for sex
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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