Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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