Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
