I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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