can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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