I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
