I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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