in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
