I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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