Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.

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(785): View more from Kansas

That reminds me...we need to get swords

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.

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(845): View more from New York

HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...

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(703): View more from Virginia

It wasn't my fault.

(330): View more from Ohio

You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.

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