I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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