Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
