my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
