don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
