I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
