So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
