I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yo dont text me then not text me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
