What did we do last night that was yellow?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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