The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
