Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
