Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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