i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
