Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Acid is not a monday night drug
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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