it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
should my penis look like a turkey
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
