We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize