you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
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The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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