Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
