No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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