sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
