I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
