Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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