He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm always down for nudity.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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