He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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