Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
