She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
