When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
