Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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